Laughed Out Loud

My wife Brando watches a slew of TV show that I would just normally flip right by. She watches The Big Bang, Two & A Half Men and How I Met Your Mom. Since she watches these shows sometimes I am forced to watch them also and most of the time I am glad. They have some really talented writers and actors on these shows. And what I mean by talented is that they have the same F#$%ed up since of humor that I have. Therefor I was rendered laughing most of the night out loud.

On How I Met Your Mom a Character named Barney made up these songs about his friends sister while looking at her picture in a Christmas Card.

2005 (to the tune of "Jingle Bells"): "Pulling down her pants, yanking off my own, underneath the mistletoe I'll make your sister moan..."

2006 (to the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"): "I wish I could see her naked, I wish I could see her naked, I wish I could see her naked and down on all fours."

2007 (to the tune of The Dradle Song): Ted has a little sister, gets hotter every day. And if I ever I meet her, with her boobies I will play. Everybody! Sister, sister, sister..."

There were a few more that I can not remember but unfortunately for my wife I can't get these out of my head. So now when I am around her I can't help but sing them.

My marriage is just strong enough to manage The Christmas Story but this jumps it to another level.

Finally

I finally watched A Christmas Story for the first time this year. Yes...I know it is hard to believe but it is true. I gave specific orders for it not to be removed from the DVD play for subsiquent veiwing. I threated to watch it everyday from now till Christmas but I dont think my marriage is that strong. So for everyone who likes A Christmas Story and drinking games make sure and watch it and take a shot everytime them say or make a reference to the Red Rider BB Gun......Holidays are cool!

Christmas Times a Comin

I am ready for vacation. I want so much to get away from work. I just really cant wait. Wish I could take about a month or two off. But I am sure that I would not want to go back.

Christmas Party

Tonight we had our Christmas Party for work. Last year I was unable to make it due to turnaround but we made it this year. We got our normal pewter work logo ornament and set down to a nice salad placed at the table. We arrive with some good friends so we got to choose a seat at the table with them.

This years party was a murder mystery Christmas party so while chatting the night away we polish off the salad in about 5 minutes and they came to usher the dishes from out table. We waited patiently for them to release us from the table to go through the buffet line for the meal. 20 minute rolled by and nothing but pleasant conversations with our table mates and rumbling tummies. Then 40 minutes passes still nothing.

Then about an hour into the party the two actors for the murder mystery part started their opening act and all I and anyone at the table can think is when are these two yahoos gonna be quite and let everyone eat. I mean the actors were entertaining and funny but rather hard to hear over everyone elses growling stomachs.

Finally an hour and a half after the salad was scarfed they realeased us table by ever so slow table to make our way to the feed troff. It was really really good but I know my hunger played a part in how good it tasted. I also like to mention that the women folk at our table asked me to steal the salads off the vacant tables so they wouldnt starve to death. Being a total gentleman I only had to punch out a lonely couple at one table for the salads.

We left early before even knowing who dunnit. I feel bad for the actors because they were really good but just a victim to bad planning and or timing.

(Insert radom thought here: They had a dish of butter on the table with absolutely no butter knife to spread in on the nice warm rolls except for everyones salad fork that was dirtied from eating except for one that didnt eat the salad. Go figure.)

I WON I WON I WON!!!!!

Yesterday was the feed put on by a contractor as a thanks for my works business. They had noodles, mashed potatoes, smoked pork chops, seven layer salad, rolls, green beans and desert. It was pretty good.

After we all set around beltching our lunch, they had a drawing for about 10 brown sugar hams that they gave away. If you know me then you know that my luck is crap. I have about a 1 in a 100 chance in a drawing with 10 other people and every ticket but 1 with my name on it. That is just how my luck goes. So when they called my number for a ham I nearly shit a brick. I mean I felt like I had just picked out the million dollar suit case on Lets Make A Deal.

I walked up to claim my million dollar ham and tried to walk back to my fellow co-workers without much ado. I felt like pumping my fist in the air and thrusting my pelvas in the faces of all the pain in the butts around me and screaming YAHOO!! CAN YA FEEL IT? HUH? CAN YA? but I walked quietly to the fridge to put away my brown sugar beauty.

Far being it of me to gloat, I sneaked the ham into my car and took it home. When Brando or someone in the family prepairs it I am sure I will stand over it and watch the whole time. It is because for me, it is my leg shaped lamp. A wonderful prize that I WON I WON I WON! Not like the bowling alley that Shawfenhoffer won over in Terra Haute. Yep you might as well have sent it in the mail with FRAGIELEE (thats french) spray painted on the side of the box. I just hope that it dont get broken while Brando is watering the plants.

Yeah the neighbors might think I am a bit strange having a 7 pound ham wrapped in lights displayed in the front window for all the passer-byers to see but to my friends they all know that is pretty much normal. I mean it is a MAJOR AWARD.

Bummed

I am already bummed about next Christmas and this one isnt here yet. My work is completely stupid when it comes to trying to get your vacation in. We have a quota and several people in the shop have 5 or more weeks of vacation to get in. Well you black out 7 full weeks for turnaround and volia, you have a headache trying to get you weeks in when you want them.

Our shop accepted a shop policy that states that if your vacation, when first issued for the year, lands in the first three months then you get first pick. These three month rotate to be fair some everyone eventually will get first pick. Well this worked well with about 15 to 20 people in the shop but now we have about 36 people in the shop and I must admit a bunch of crybaby whiners than want to throw a monkey wrench into this policy if they dont get the weeks they want.

The problem is that corporate policy states first come first serve and if there are more people than weeks available then draw names from a hat. But in the hope to guarentee people the week they want every once in a while we adopted the shop policy.

This year I get first pick and if memory serves then this is the first year I have had first pick since hired back in 1999. So everyone in the first 3 months submit there vacation and then after that is locked down then everyone else can jockey for theirs.

Haveing bad luck really sucks and getting screwed all the time when trying to play by the rules really blows too. Some people slipped in their vacation changes in to where instead of only about 6 people putting in for the 6 person quota there was about 12 so the office drew names and guess who got screwed out of next years christmas when it was guarenteed to be mine by shop policy. I also got screwed out of Thanksgiving week too.

The bad thing about this now is that there is nothing I can do and if the Shop forman tries to do anything it will prove that we are going against corporate policy and get his ass in trouble so his hands are tied. The other thing that pisses me off is that one of my so called friends screwed me by getting the Christmas week and when I told him that he screwed me he said, "Too bad for your luck!"

The good thing is that one of the people who also screwed me for Chirstmas week and honestly didnt mean to do it said that when all this crap is over and everyone is settled that he would give me his week but still I am really mad at my so called friend. If he would have offered to make it right I would not have even let him do it but his comment really went through me like a knife. I hope in the near future he does not need me to do anything for him. I will eventually forgive but I WILL NEVER FORGET!!!!

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!!

Christmas Light Show - Amazing Grace Techno

This is what I hope to have next year. Ha ha ha.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas...

I was in the festive mood set by the season so I decided to do a little decorating. Brando was responsible for inside while I worked on an outside display. I hope you like the pictures. I hope it helps get you in the mood.

(Brandos Christmas Tree)

(Brandos Snowman Street Lamp)

(My House Decorations)

(My Lightshow)

Gettin Ready 4 Turkey N Tucky

I am gettin ready for turkey n Tucky. I cant wait to get down there and fill my guts till I feel like a sploded opossum on the side of the road. (What did you say? I spelled opossum correctly?... Of coarse what do you think I am?...A barbarian?) I usually stop just before my jeans button is about to pop. Who knows this year I could be convicted of wreckless homicide if the rivet was to let go and someone is in the line of fire.

When I get down there I will be in full on consume mode and the women and children best just skinny on out the back if they know whats good for them. I luvs me some turkey and fixins like a fat kid luvs cake. Anyone caught in the onslaught should just drag their wounded bodies to the side of the room and assume the tornado position just in case a fork goes flyin.

Yeah you don't get this manly physique overnight. It takes years of commitment and dedication and a pinch of gluttony. We are packing the hand truck with us and taking the seats out of the van so Brando will have a place to stick me and wont have to roll me out to the van like a butterball turkey. Mmmmm turkey..... Sorry I digest...

I hope that everyone can have a belly busting and relaxing turkey day.

NEW EGG LAYING CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD!!!

Yesterday my little girls set a new world....er aahh yard record for our house but still an impressive feat none the less. I got 8 eggs out of 8 chickens. Did I hear someone yell bullshit? No I promise you that is what happened because the night before I forgot to get the eggs at the normal time and it was waaaaay after dark and when I got them they were all nice and cold from not being sat on for a while. So I am sure there were no eggs left from the day before. I am proud of the girls for stepping up to get this achievement that is something to crow about. So far the lights have seemed to work. I have a 40 watt light in the coop and Christmas lights strung around the bottom so were ever they are bombarded by some light to help them lay. I have the lights on a timer so they do get dark for sleepy time but with the days getting short and the nights getting long every little bit helps. It causes havoc on the egg laying. Scientist have even tested the effects of light on blind chickens and it will even improve egg laying with them also. It is said that the light rays, specifically the red spectrum, is absorbed through their skull to their brain to stimulate egg production. WHOD A THUNK IT???

Busy weekend

This weekend we worked harder than we have for months. Here is a list of the stuff we did:

1. Changed oil in work car
2. Changed oil in Brandos van
3. Winterized the camper
4. Blew the leaves in the front ditch
5. Burned said leaves
6. Cleaned garage
7. Took stuff to storage bay
8. Cleaned Chicken house
9. Moved rabbits
10. Built nesting boxes for rabbits
11. Sealed up vents under the house for winter
12. Used bail of hay for wind brake for dog house
13. Put hay in dogs house.

I had to get back to work for a rest. We got allot done. I cleaned the gutters and pruned and netted the pond earlier in the week for winter also. My lawn mower needs a battery but I think that I will wait till spring. Also after mulching up about a ton of leaves I notices grass sticking out of the mower deck. Upon closer inspection I see that there is rust holes in the deck. As I clean out the deck a bit I realize that there are several large holes in the deck. I guess that I will have to get someone to weld some plate over the holes cause Brando already said that I aint getting a new mower.

OIY!!!

Today I came out of the house to a flat tire. I screamed, "DAMN YOU OBAMA!!" Next I went to the gas station to fill up and had to wait for a pump. Once again I yelled, "DAMN YOU OBAMA!!" Then, on the way to work, I almost hit a deer crossing the rode. "DAMN YOU OBAMA!!!" After finally arriving at work from all this, I find out that half the parking lot in closed and the other half is full. What did I say you might ask yourself? You guessed it. "DAMN YOU OBAMA!!!!"

I don't really blame him for all of this. I don't think he had anything to do with the deer. Its just kinda fun to say and I will thoroughly enjoy saying it for the next 4 years......Who knows?...Maybe 8.

ALL DONE

We finally got everything cleared out of the yard about 6:30 last night and man were we pooped. The only brake we took was when we made a run to Taco Bell about 1 oclock to get re-energized. The brake helped because we were really dragging. My brother-in-law picked a bad time to visit because while I hooked up the horse trailer he helped Brando take down the mausoleum. After pulling in the drive way we had it loaded in record time and my bro-in-law even followed us out to the storage bay to unload all the decorations. Thanks to anyone and everyone who helped get everything put up and tore down. Hope to have the energy to get it put all back up next year. I have 363 days to recoop. Wish me luck.

That Was Halloween

Halloween once again has come and gone. All their is left is the putting all the stuff away. Some people might call it crap but I call it......well at this point, crap. I am not looking forward to getting all this stuff crammed in the garage. Oh well it has to be done might as well grin and bare it.

We had 90 TOTS last night which was a bit low but il take it. The highest we have had was 126 in the past but as Pilot said the two neighboring towns had TOT on the same night. We had a few new faces this year and a few we expected to come didnt show. Halloween in a busy time when you have a child and all the family expects you to make the rounds to their house.

All in all I think the night turned out pretty well. Mort only made one person jump in the ditch this year so he did his job. I only had one kid cry slightly and most came up to the porch. Kids are either getting braver or dumber. I hope not the latter. I hope everyone had a good time last night in whatever you did. And to all..........

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

This IS HALLOWEEN!!

Halloween is just a few days away and as much as I am looking forward to it, I am also ready for it to be over. I feel like I havent done near enough this year for Halloween and feel like I am cheating the people who will come and check out the house. I dont see too much different with the house and afraid it is getting ho hum for the kids. Do I have a valid concern or am I just being dumb. I hope the latter because that would seem fit for me.

Halloween is on its way......Hurry Up and Get Here!!!!

Wolf Creek Cemetery Is HERE!!!

Check out the new site : http://www.wolfcreekcemetery.com/ I had to move it because the Geocities site had a bandwidth hourly cap and would shut it down for an hour when exceeded. ( Site was shut down 50 times in 6 days) Finally I got the site moved and been fine tuning on it a bit. I hope you enjoy it. Looks like the old one but different. Check out the 2008 photos and projects.

Hope to see everyone soon.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Wolf Creek Cemetery Coming Soon

Yesterday my DW, kids and bubby went out to the storage bay and grabbed some of our over sized props for this years haunt. We got them in the yard and went back for the Mausoleum and monster in the box.

Today I am hoping to at least get the cemetery arch way and fencing up. Anything else is a bonus. Maybe the thunder columns will be hooked up with the lightening a thunder generator too. Here's keeping my fingers crossed.

We have piano lessons tonight, and tumbling practice Wednesday and Thursday so I hope to get a few things up before this weekend went we get to go visit my cuzes new house. I can't wait. I also hope to get the opportunity to visit a couple of Halloween stores down in that area too.

We went to Eville this weekend and I was thoroughly disappointed in what all the stores have down there. Alot of the same crap you see every year.

Happy 15th Wedding Anniversary

Today I have been married to my wonderful, marvelous and I must admit sexy wife for 15 years. Whats that??? Did I hear someone yell bullshit in the crowd. Yes, I can understand why everyone may think that I am telling a fib but it is true. There is someone on Gods green Earth that can stand my ugly ass this long. It came as quite a surprise to me also.

If you are reading this I would like for you to stand up..... Go ahead stand up.

Now lets put our hands together and give Brando a round of applause. (Go ahead Brando take a bow.) Ok, thats enough... Now everyone please bow your heads in prayer and pray to give Brando the strength to endure my worthless hiney hole for a few more years. (A few more years is about all I can reasonable ask for. I mean she is a wonderful person but shes no saint. Lets get real here.)

Brando, all kidding aside, I want you to know that you are the light of my life, the sun of my day and the stars of my night. I couldn't begin to think of living this life without you. You are the central hub of the family and a wonderful Mom and wife. I surely was blessed to have been given the chance to be a part of your life. I love you and will always love you until time itself doesn't exist. You are truly my one and only love..... You might say, my SOUL MATE. But who really believes in that stuff anyway?

HAPPY 15th ANNIVERSARY BABY!!!!

I LOVE YA!!!

Hell Why Not Bail Me Out???

( And here is a picture of the assholes that caused it all)

Once again the public tax payer is forced to bail out some big company who's executives lived high on the hog and cooked the book to ride their pony until it dropped. WTF? If I take my money to a casino in Vegas and put it all on one roll of the dice and bust is the federal government gonna bail me out. Hell NO! Id be out on the street as fast as you could bat an eye. What a crock of shit. I know why we are forced to do so not because of all the people who were insured with AIG would be uninsured and there polices would be worth what I flush down the toilet. I feel bad for them but they can get a new policy with a new company unless they are mid claim. However I think that I would be pissed if my retirement was through that company and it when belly up. What a kick in the crotch. I hope they parade the executives that caused this flop out in the middle of the street and give everyone a pair of clippers and as they walk by them clip a piece of them off and then throw and bit of salt where they clipped. I know where I would start first. We are in the mids of a war that is costing us a ton, business that cook the books and fall on there faces and an election year. WTF else could go wrong??? Heaven help us because no one else on this planet seems to have a clue. Maybe we can come up with a bunch of government programs to help deadbeats get mansions to live in. HELL WHY NOT!!! Might as well take all of my check. Its not like I worked for it or anything. This shit really chaffs my cherries.

Wet Rabbits

Yesterday was the day that what was left of Ike blew threw. I was standing at dinning room winds when the house creeked. I don't think I have ever heard that noise before. The wind gust must have been considerable. Brando looked outside and the rabbits cage lid was blown up and the little bunnies were getting soaked. I put on a shirt and braved the elements to save the little long eared fuz balls. Then about 10 minutes later another gust blew threw and low and behold the rabbit lid was up again. Once again I went to their rescue. I will have to build a latch for the cage. Poor little bunnies.